It all starts somewhere!

Well here we are! I continued to put off starting this Blog because I kept thinking….”we should wait until the next stage and the next stage and the next”.  Loving mentors encouraged us to wait to say anything until certain points but God is on the Move and I feel I’m ready to start sharing His miracles with whomever wants to read about it and before I forget all the details! On a side note: many have expressed interest in reading about our journey but I’m also doing this to have as a record of God’s faithfulness for our family to remember!

November 3,2016 I was sitting on our couch perusing Facebook when a “Suggested Post” for a Surrogacy Agency popped up. 

Surrogacy has been mentioned a few times between Daniel (my husband) and I over the last 3 years but always as a passing joke.  After the birth of our third son in three years I remember being grateful and relieved when Daniel lovingly old me that as he held our son, Luke, in his arms, mere minutes after birth, he had felt strongly from the Lord that our family was now complete.  I had been hinting at the idea of Luke being our final family member for the last few months of my pregnancy but Daniel had insisted he didn’t want to make any decisions til after Luke’s birth.

I remember telling Daniel… “Well, we’re done having kids but I really enjoyed the pregnancy part, I’m really good at it”.  He would joke back and say…”well, if ever someone in the family needed you you’d do GREAT”.  That was the extent of our talks about surrogacy.

So on the evening of Nov 3 (which also happens to be our Oldest son’s Birthday) when the advertisement for an actual Surrogacy Agency popped up, I was surprised that I never realized there were whole agencies out there that walk you step by step through all the paperwork, appointments, finances, tests, birth, etc.  I was slightly surprised and excited that this is something that I could ACTUALLY do!

When Daniel got home from church that night he was EXHUASTED but I asked him if we could talk real quick before he headed up to bed.  I was sitting on my exercise bike and he laid down on the couch with his arm across his eyes trying his best to listen and not pass out.  I told him up front “if you have ANY reservations about what I’m about to say we can close this book and I will 100% be ok with that”.  I continued to tell him about the agency I had read about as well as that I had posted on a private Mom’s group I’m apart of, asking for ANY information, opinions, etc they had on the topic of Surrogacy.  I needed to know the good, the bad and the ugly in order to move forward in any capacity.

I remember that daniel very calmly and matter-of-factly with his arm still over his eyes told me that a few months ago he had felt God calling him to pray about the idea of me becoming a Surrogate for someone.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor I stared at him and asked him why he had never mentioned it to me? His response was “because I knew if it was from the Lord, He would put it on your heart as well!

And so began Day 1 of our Surrogacy journey.  The next morning, one of the moms from my FB group sent me a link to a fellow pastor’s wife in Oregon who had not only been a surrogate but had blogged the whole process (the good, the bad and the ugly).  I spent the next 24 hours glued to the computer reading post by post about her journey.  I contacted her through email and a few days later we chatted for a few hours over the phone.  This also happened to be the night before our meeting with our senior pastor at church to get his Godly wisdom on the topic.

In the time it took us to plan a meeting with our Pastor, the Lord had already started setting some important “road markers” for our journey.  I remember I was driving to my first shift at work since we had officially started “looking” into surrogacy.  My brain was SO full of facts and statistics and information that I was having a hard time concentrating on my upcoming shift.  And then God set down the first road marker in my heart….. For days I had been asking myself (and the Lord), “is this something I should/could do?” And in that moment of asking for the hundredth time, I realized this had NOTHING to do with if I should/could do this, what I needed to be asking was “Is this what God is ASKING me to do?”

That one simple change in mind set has calmed EVERY fear and doubt that has arisen so far.  It has taken the pressure off my feeble human shoulders and handed it back to my Heavenly Father who has told us time and time again that He is BIG enough to handle our fears!

Another road marker He gave to me came from my sister! She came down to SoCal a few days before my 30^th birthday to go to Disneyland with me for one day! She was here for barely 24 hrs and then she had to fly back home.  I decided this would be a perfect time to share with her about our new journey.  I remember sitting in the truck stuck in a super long line to get into the parking garage when I broke the news to her the first time.  She was surprised but didn’t have a very big reaction.  I remember being a little disappointed that our conversation quickly turned back to something else and I feared I had lost my opportunity to share everything I had learned and was anticipating.  To my excitement, the topic just naturally came up throughout the day when I would remember something I hadn’t shared with her.  At one point we were standing in line at Space Mountain and I shared another “concern” I had about the process and she turned to me and said “wow, you’re REALLY considering doing this aren’t you, you keep bringing it up.  But I think you need to remember that if God has called you to this, then He will see you through it.”  I started tearing up in the moment and wanted to jump into her arms and hug her for the rest of the day.  BUT my sister isn’t as touchy-feely as myself and I just thanked her and gave her a quick squeeze.  And even though she may not even remember that moment until she reads this, I will always remember it.

We had a GREAT meeting with our pastor who said he would support our decision if we moved forward with surrogacy.  I met with our dear friend who runs the Homeschooling Co-op we are a part of and also received loving support and encouragement.

The next step was looking into the different agencies in the area.  The original agency that had popped up on Facebook was in San Diego and a little farther away.  I decided to just look for agencies in the Orange County area and came across Surrogacy by Faith.  I still wasn’t sure which I should pursue so I put my information into both websites.  Within a few hours, Amy from Surrogacy by Faith had written back asking if we could chat over the phone and the other place still to this day has never contacted me.  I felt God’s peace to move forward with Surrogacy by Faith!

There are SO many stories to share and that I want to record but I’m afraid of putting ALL of them into one post….so for today I’ll pause and give myself a chance to write them down for my next installment!

For many of you, this may be the first time you have heard about our journey.  We typed up 6 of the most common questions/concerned we have been asked and have had them available for people when we share with them.  I want to post them below for those who might be interested in some of the finer details up front!

Common Questions and Answers about Daniel and Laura Grant’s Surrogacy Journey:

Q: How could you give up your baby after carrying him/her for 9 months?

A: We will be doing Gestational Surrogacy which means the baby I will be carrying is 100% the other married couple’s child (DNA, Genetics and even the baby’s blood).  I will literally be an incubator. I will not be giving up a child that has ANY biological connection to me, I will simply be handing the child back to his/her parents.

Q: How does the baby get into you?

A: The couple already has frozen embryos that will be implanted into me through Invitro Fertilization (IVF).

Q: How could you even consider doing this with a husband and 3 young boys at home to raise?

A: God spoke to both our hearts and led us to the possibility of being a surrogate.  Each step we took, we took because God asked us to but also led us to!  We believe that since God has called us to it, He will see us through it!

Q: What if your children think you are carrying a brother/sister for them, and then you come home with no baby?

A: We will be telling the boys, once we have a viable pregnancy that is past the “danger zone” of miscarriage.  There are wonderful children’s books to help explain the idea of surrogacy but we will also be sitting down with them to explain from day 1 that this is NOT mommy and daddy’s baby, and mommy is simply helping a friend to have a baby. (Prayers are VERY much appreciated for their little hearts and minds to wrap around this concept.)

Q: Aren’t you “playing God” by doing this? If God wanted this couple to have a baby, wouldn’t He have made it possible?

A: There are many that are against either IVF and/or Surrogacy, and we are not trying to change your minds about your convictions. We believe that just like a patient will use modern medical knowledge in the form of Chemo to save their life from Cancer, Surrogacy is another amazing medical advancement through the knowledge that God gave to doctors and scientists to fulfil His Will.  We never forget that no matter what technology or procedures are used, nothing will guarantee a baby at the end, He is STILL and will ALWAYS be in control!

Q: I’ve heard that Surrogates get paid. How much will you be paid for doing this?

A: Although there will be financial compensation to our family, we are doing this because we TRULY feel God has asked us to!