March 1 was the official first day of my Surrogacy Insurance
so we were able to start getting a bunch of testing done. It also happened to be Daniel’s and my 9th
wedding anniversary and I found it very sweet and enduring that 9 years ago I was
waiting eagerly for March 1 and over the last few weeks I was eagerly awaiting
March 1 again so we could take the next step on our Surrogacy Journey!
Early on March 1 I went in for an HSG test. This lovely procedure tests to make sure I have
no scar tissue within my Fallopian tubes.
Even though my tubes will not be used for any of this process, it’s a precaution
to check and make sure there is no blockage of any kind. I got up at 4:30 am in order to leave by 5
for my trek to North LA. This drive can
take anywhere from 45min to 1.5 hours and I didn’t want to miss my appointment. I ended up arriving over an hour before my
appointment so I just napped in the car!
They showed me my x-rays right after the procedure and everything looked
clear! Another box checked off the list!
I made the trek home just in time to take the boys to their
weekly Homeschool co-op class in the park.
I was feeling completely fine from the procedure but the early wake up
call had me with my head down on the picnic table for most of the class. At the same time, it happened to be the same
day I stopped taking my vitamins and pills in order to clean out my
system. One ingredient in these pills
were small amounts of caffeine and my body was NOT very happy about no caffeine
and early roll call but if fatigue was the worst I was facing, I was going to
be fine.
Since the fertility doctor is farther away, I wanted to
start getting my blood work done asap so hopefully we could combine the HSG test
follow up, blood work follow up and at-home ovulation test follow up all in the
same appointment. So after daniel got
home that afternoon, I trekked over to the local lab to start my blood
work. They ended up taking 11 vials of
blood and by the time I got home, I was was way over due for a nap! (Again, if
fatigue is the worst ‘symptom’ I face on a testing day, I really have nothing
to complain about J)
2 days later I went off for my final blood test which
required me to fast 10-12 hours. I
needed to be tested when I arrived, at 1 hour and at hour 2. I wasn’t allowed to leave the waiting room or
walk around excessively because it could affect the test. It was actually a very relaxing time since I brought
my Bible and was able to catch up on my reading through the Bible in a year in
a nice quiet, kid-free, area! You can always find a silver lining if you look
hard enough!
Well, after another 6 vials drawn over the 2 hours, my total
came to 17 vials of blood in 3 days!
Cue the music....
At this point I’m only responsible to continue tracking my
cycle using the at-home ovulation tests.
Some people have asked why I need to know my ovulation if we aren’t using
my egg. If everything goes well and I can
track my own cycle this month, then next month I will track again and the day
after the test detects I’m ovulating, we go into LA for the implantation. It’s when my body is prepared to accept a
fertilized egg and the best chance for the embryo to “stick”.
I wanted to share with you a a very sweet moment I had this week:
As I was driving home from LA I had this amazing moment as I
was thinking about this journey. As
frustrating as traffic in LA can be, it can also be a beautiful opportunity to
have some time with our Lord and Savior!
I was thinking about how calm I felt.
How the Lord had opened door after door, how the test I kept taking
continued coming back clear, how the difficult appointments I needed seemed to
be working out, etc. And then I ‘saw’ a picture in my heart.
Let me set up the scene I saw by talking to all the parents
out there. Have you ever had those
moments when your toddler/young child wants to carry something that is
OBVIOUSLY too heavy for them. You, as
the parent, reach out and ask them “Do you want me to carry that for you?” Most
of the time they will shy away from you, pulling the load to the other side of
their body with a frown and say “NO, I can do it”. Sometimes you’ll ask again, trying to assure
them that you have plenty of strength to carry it and that you don’t mind
helping them at all. This, in turn,
usually results in a more stubborn child INSISTING from their very soul that
they ‘HAVE GOT THIS!’
And then it happens.
They either drop the load for the 10th time or their resolve
in believing they can drag it all the way begins to fail. They start looking around for you and then
your eyes meet. You have a sweet smile
on your face and their grumpy face melts and you both know you’ve come to
agreement. You walk up next to them and
put out your hand and they lay the load in your arms. Sometimes they actually say “thanks mom” but
sometimes they just smile at you with appreciation. You both turn and continue down
the path. Each of you carrying what you
can handle and happy to be side by side.
That’s what I saw in my heart about my walk with God over
the last 6 months. I turned 30 in
November and my sister had prepared me that things “just change” in your
thirties. It could be physical, emotional,
mental or a combination of all 3. I can’t
really explain it but I have felt SO much more “ok” with myself. People I used to avoid in person or online
because I felt I could NEVER live up to their amazing walk with the Lord or
motherhood or general well-being, I suddenly found I could enjoy seeing them or
their posts because I was ok with where I’m at.
I can see the good I’ve done and accept a complement. I’m not saying I’m completely FULL of myself
and I ‘FINALLY SEE HOW AMAZING I AM” cause that’s not it at all. I think I’m starting to see my life through
God’s eyes and not the World’s eyes.
So that brings me back to my drive home. I had this picture of my current life,
especially this surrogacy journey, of God and I walking side by side. We weren’t even talking, just walking together. Over his shoulder was this huge bag full of
all my worries, fears, concerns and efforts to make this all work out. He wasn’t even straining to hold it up!
Almost like a lumberjack carrying a massive ax over his shoulder like a feather. The best part of all
was the smile on both our faces! There I
was, just being me and carrying exactly the amount of worry I was supposed to
be carrying….none. And there was God,
happy from the top of His head to His strong toes because I was allowing Him to
do EXACTLY what He has always wanted me to do, hand it all over to him!
And so we walked, side by side and just smiled! Almost like
my happiness of having no ‘load’ to carry made Him even happier! And so that’s how I will continue to walk
this surrogacy road. I continue to hand
every care and worry over to Him and He continues to take each one with a smile
that says “I’ve got this”.
Dear friends, if you are carrying a
‘load’ right now and you have continued to shy away from the Father’s open hand, just give it over, He’s strong enough to take it!
