Well here we are! I continued to put off starting this Blog
because I kept thinking….”we should wait until the next stage and the next
stage and the next”. Loving mentors
encouraged us to wait to say anything until certain points but God is on the
Move and I feel I’m ready to start sharing His miracles with whomever wants to
read about it and before I forget all the details! On a side note: many have
expressed interest in reading about our journey but I’m also doing this to have
as a record of God’s faithfulness for our family to remember!
November 3,2016 I was sitting on our couch perusing Facebook
when a “Suggested Post” for a Surrogacy Agency popped up.
Surrogacy has been mentioned a few times between Daniel (my
husband) and I over the last 3 years but always as a passing joke. After the birth of our third son in three
years I remember being grateful and relieved when Daniel lovingly old me that
as he held our son, Luke, in his arms, mere minutes after birth, he had felt
strongly from the Lord that our family was now complete. I had been hinting at the idea of Luke being
our final family member for the last few months of my pregnancy but Daniel had
insisted he didn’t want to make any decisions til after Luke’s birth.
I remember telling Daniel… “Well, we’re done having kids but
I really enjoyed the pregnancy part, I’m really good at it”. He would joke back and say…”well, if ever
someone in the family needed you you’d do GREAT”. That was the extent of our talks about
surrogacy.
So on the evening of Nov 3 (which also happens to be our
Oldest son’s Birthday) when the advertisement for an actual Surrogacy Agency
popped up, I was surprised that I never realized there were whole agencies out
there that walk you step by step through all the paperwork, appointments,
finances, tests, birth, etc. I was
slightly surprised and excited that this is something that I could ACTUALLY do!
When Daniel got home from church that night he was EXHUASTED
but I asked him if we could talk real quick before he headed up to bed. I was sitting on my exercise bike and he laid
down on the couch with his arm across his eyes trying his best to listen and
not pass out. I told him up front “if
you have ANY reservations about what I’m about to say we can close this book
and I will 100% be ok with that”. I
continued to tell him about the agency I had read about as well as that I had
posted on a private Mom’s group I’m apart of, asking for ANY information,
opinions, etc they had on the topic of Surrogacy. I needed to know the good, the bad and the
ugly in order to move forward in any capacity.
I remember that daniel very calmly and matter-of-factly with
his arm still over his eyes told me that a few months ago he had felt God
calling him to pray about the idea of me becoming a Surrogate for someone. After I picked my jaw up off the floor I stared
at him and asked him why he had never mentioned it to me? His response was “because
I knew if it was from the Lord, He would put it on your heart as well!
And so began Day 1 of our Surrogacy journey. The next morning, one of the moms from my FB
group sent me a link to a fellow pastor’s wife in Oregon who had not only been
a surrogate but had blogged the whole process (the good, the bad and the
ugly). I spent the next 24 hours glued
to the computer reading post by post about her journey. I contacted her through email and a few days
later we chatted for a few hours over the phone. This also happened to be the night before our
meeting with our senior pastor at church to get his Godly wisdom on the topic.
In the time it took us to plan a meeting with our Pastor,
the Lord had already started setting some important “road markers” for our
journey. I remember I was driving to my
first shift at work since we had officially started “looking” into
surrogacy. My brain was SO full of facts
and statistics and information that I was having a hard time concentrating on
my upcoming shift. And then God set down
the first road marker in my heart….. For days I had been asking myself (and the
Lord), “is this something I should/could do?” And in that moment of asking for
the hundredth time, I realized this had NOTHING to do with if I should/could do
this, what I needed to be asking was “Is this what God is ASKING me to do?”
That one simple change in mind set has calmed EVERY fear and
doubt that has arisen so far. It has
taken the pressure off my feeble human shoulders and handed it back to my
Heavenly Father who has told us time and time again that He is BIG enough to
handle our fears!
Another road marker He gave to me came from my sister! She
came down to SoCal a few days before my 30th birthday to go to
Disneyland with me for one day! She was here for barely 24 hrs and then she had
to fly back home. I decided this would
be a perfect time to share with her about our new journey. I remember sitting in the truck stuck in a
super long line to get into the parking garage when I broke the news to her the
first time. She was surprised but didn’t
have a very big reaction. I remember being
a little disappointed that our conversation quickly turned back to something
else and I feared I had lost my opportunity to share everything I had learned
and was anticipating. To my excitement,
the topic just naturally came up throughout the day when I would remember
something I hadn’t shared with her. At
one point we were standing in line at Space Mountain and I shared another “concern”
I had about the process and she turned to me and said “wow, you’re REALLY
considering doing this aren’t you, you keep bringing it up. But I think you need to remember that if God
has called you to this, then He will see you through it.” I started tearing up in the moment and wanted
to jump into her arms and hug her for the rest of the day. BUT my sister isn’t as touchy-feely as myself
and I just thanked her and gave her a quick squeeze. And even though she may not even remember
that moment until she reads this, I will always remember it.
We had a GREAT meeting with our pastor who said he would
support our decision if we moved forward with surrogacy. I met with our dear friend who runs the
Homeschooling Co-op we are a part of and also received loving support and encouragement.
The next step was looking into the different agencies in the
area. The original agency that had
popped up on Facebook was in San Diego and a little farther away. I decided to just look for agencies in the
Orange County area and came across Surrogacy by Faith. I still wasn’t sure which I should pursue so I
put my information into both websites.
Within a few hours, Amy from Surrogacy by Faith had written back asking
if we could chat over the phone and the other place still to this day has never
contacted me. I felt God’s peace to move
forward with Surrogacy by Faith!
There are SO many stories to share and that I want to record
but I’m afraid of putting ALL of them into one post….so for today I’ll pause
and give myself a chance to write them down for my next installment!
For many of you, this may be the first time you have heard
about our journey. We typed up 6 of the most
common questions/concerned we have been asked and have had them available for
people when we share with them. I want
to post them below for those who might be interested in some of the finer details up front!
Common Questions
and Answers about Daniel and Laura Grant’s Surrogacy Journey:
Q: How could
you give up your baby after carrying him/her for 9 months?
A: We will be
doing Gestational Surrogacy which means the baby I will be carrying is 100% the
other married couple’s child (DNA, Genetics and even the baby’s blood). I will literally be an incubator. I will not
be giving up a child that has ANY biological connection to me, I will simply be
handing the child back to his/her parents.
Q: How does
the baby get into you?
A: The couple already
has frozen embryos that will be implanted into me through Invitro Fertilization
(IVF).
Q: How could
you even consider doing this with a husband and 3 young boys at home to raise?
A: God spoke
to both our hearts and led us to the possibility of being a surrogate. Each step we took, we took because God asked
us to but also led us to! We believe
that since God has called us to it, He will see us through it!
Q: What if your
children think you are carrying a brother/sister for them, and then you come
home with no baby?
A: We will be
telling the boys, once we have a viable pregnancy that is past the “danger
zone” of miscarriage. There are
wonderful children’s books to help explain the idea of surrogacy but we will
also be sitting down with them to explain from day 1 that this is NOT mommy and
daddy’s baby, and mommy is simply helping a friend to have a baby. (Prayers are
VERY much appreciated for their little hearts and minds to wrap around this
concept.)
Q: Aren’t you
“playing God” by doing this? If God wanted this couple to have a baby, wouldn’t
He have made it possible?
A: There are
many that are against either IVF and/or Surrogacy, and we are not trying to
change your minds about your convictions. We believe that just like a patient
will use modern medical knowledge in the form of Chemo to save their life from
Cancer, Surrogacy is another amazing medical advancement through the knowledge
that God gave to doctors and scientists to fulfil His Will. We never forget that no matter what
technology or procedures are used, nothing will guarantee a baby at the end, He
is STILL and will ALWAYS be in control!
Q: I’ve heard
that Surrogates get paid. How much will you be paid for doing this?
A: Although
there will be financial compensation to our family, we are doing this because
we TRULY feel God has asked us to!
