Shocked Not Shocked

Where to start?......Well I guess picking up where we left off is a good place!

After we passed the medical and psych evaluations we quickly headed into the legal contract stage.  We all REALLY wanted to aim for an embryo transfer in May so the end of April was a whirlwind of contracts and Attorney conversations and notarization and expedited mailings, etc.  One of the blessings to working with Surrogacy by Faith is that Amy (the founder and owner) really tries to listen to both parties through the whole process so when it comes to putting together a legal agreement, there is usually not much that needs to be changed because it has already been addressed.

After the legal contracts were finalized we went back into a waiting game for my ovulation.  At home tests were showing nothing so the doctor wanted me to come in for some ultrasounds and blood tests.  I ended up driving to North LA 4 out of 5 days until my numbers were finally up.  I told Daniel that I would drive every day for a month if it meant I wouldn’t need to take all the medications and shots most surrogates must beforehand!

I was SO encouraged on Wednesday when I was sitting in the waiting room for my ultrasound.  This sweet woman sat down next to me and said, “I have a weird question but are you Laura?” I said, “yes I am!”.  Turns out she is a friend of our Intended Parents, Chad and Stephanie, and Stephanie had given her my picture when she realized we both had appointments around the same time.  I had even arrived early so we had a few minutes to chat before I had to go back for my scan!  I wrote to Stephanie and said, “even though I KNOW you are real, this is the first person from your side of the ‘world’ that I’ve met in person and it feels even more real now!” On Friday (5/12) my numbers officially rose to the right amount and I began my five days of medication to prep my body to receive the little embie (embryo baby). 

You know that saying “sorry not sorry” when someone apologizes but really, they aren’t? I feel like my newest “slogan” for this Surrogacy journey is “SHOCKED NOT SHOCKED”.  Every time I start to worry that the timing won’t work out or that something won’t get done, it happens! Right when we need/want it to happen, the step takes place RIGHT ON TIME! During my first ultrasound on Monday the doctor noticed had I a small amount of liquid collected at the base of my internal C-section scar.  She said she would monitor it but if too much liquid accumulated it might have to be emptied. I began praying and asking others to pray that the liquid would go away on its own.  When I prayed, I would ask "Lord, please help the liquid go away.... BUT if it doesn't that's ok." I kept feeling like there was really no way it would go away and we'd have to work around it.  The morning before my next ultrasound 2 days later, I felt the tug on my heart to not add a "but" in my prayer but to pray with confidence that the liquid would be gone.  So that's what I did! I prayed "Lord help it be gone, amen."  About 30 minutes later the doctor looked and the screen and said, "the liquid is completely gone, Hallelujah!" Again, I was 'shocked not shocked'.

The most recent “shocked not shocked” moment for me was when I realized that I had volunteered, for the first time, to run our Sprung Ladies Luncheon at our church RIGHT at the same time the embie transfer may take place on May 20th.  Because of my irregular cycles there wasn’t any way to know exactly when my numbers would rise initiating the 5 days of meds followed by the transfer and then 48 hrs. of bed rest would occur.  As I started calculating the approximate window of the transfer I realized if my numbers didn’t rise soon I would be on bed rest right during the luncheon.  Now I must say the AMAZING ladies in my church are wonderful and I quickly started making my “understudies” for the different areas I was in charge of in case I couldn’t make it.  Even though the ladies assured me that they had it covered, I was almost in tears one night talking to Daniel because when I take on a responsibility it’s REALLY hard for me to have to hand it off because I feel like a failure.  Then I found out from Stephanie (Intended Mother) that their anniversary was the same weekend and had an away trip planned and were also hoping the transfer would happen before hand! So, my prayers quickly began to center around the right timing for all of it.  By Thursday my numbers still weren’t there, I was again beginning to get frustrated and a little nervous.  I continued to repeat “your timing God, your timing” even as my heart fretted.  I calculated that if I didn’t ovulate by Friday, I would be on bed rest during the luncheon. 

Thursday afternoon I took the home test and stood over it like a hawk! Felling like maybe if I “willed” the little happy face to appear it would have no choice but to obey!  When the little face popped up I raised my fists and just started chanting “YES! YES! YES!”.  I ran downstairs with a renewed excitement! I still needed to have my numbers confirmed by blood draw the next morning but the at home tests had been accurate the last 2 months so I was pretty confident!

To my delight my numbers shot up on Friday morning and I got the call from the nurse with all the instructions to start my medications! She also officially informed me that the transfer would take place on Wed. 5/17 at 1pm! That means I will finish with bed rest on Friday afternoon right in time for our luncheon the next day! Now, before I get too many concerned comments, I will still be taking it easy at the luncheon and not over do it, but I’m just so “shocked not shocked” again at God’s perfect timing!

Daniel and I decided a few days ago to tell the boys about our Surrogacy journey!  We had purchased a book called "The Kangaroo Pouch" that explains the process of surrogacy in a simple child's story. We decided with all the appointments coming up it would be easier for us, and them, if we could share openly about where we were going.  Gabriel (age 6) had some great questions about how the baby will get into my tummy.  Ethan (age 4) really had no questions and seemed fine with it.  Luke (age 3) had a little harder time understanding.  I told him that once the baby is in my tummy I won’t be able to pick him up and carry him anymore.  He got a very sad face and then asked, "will I be able to kiss the baby" and pointed to my tummy.  I told him he can kiss the baby as much as he wants once the baby is in my tummy and he was completely satisfied!  I just loved their innocent hearts that just accepted the idea.  We made it VERY clear that this will not be our baby brother or sister and the baby won't be coming home but will be given back to their parents when they are born.  They all just shook their heads in agreement and after a few more questions, moved on to their next activity as if it was a normal day!  Since then, I have been asked about 50 times " is the baby in your tummy yet?" and "what’s the baby's name".  Each time I gently remind them that I will let them know each step of the way! So, grateful for their sweet hearts and their willingness to help mommy when she has the baby in her tummy!

So, there you have it! This coming Wednesday at 1pm we will be praying our little hearts out for this little life that will hopefully begin its journey to birth! Would you pray along with us? Please pray for my body as it prepares for the next 4 days to receive this embie! Pray for us especially on Wednesday!  We are so excited because we will be leaving early and finally get a chance to meet Chad and Stephanie in person before the transfer! We’re getting together to have a meal and pray and then will travel together to the transfer center!

All this excitement and yet we also know that medications and preparations can only do so much.  We have no guarantee of a baby in the end but I find SO much peace knowing that from the very beginning we have only taken each next step as the Lord provided and if He is in control, we know that no matter the outcome, His ways are perfect!