The Worst Surrogacy Story

Ok MAYBE I used a little “click bait” as the title for my last post in this blog, but I’ve been saying this to many people over the last few weeks after Magnolia was born…. I have the worst surrogacy story BUT it’s also one of the best. The reason I tell people I have the worst surrogacy story is because how easy this whole journey has been.  I’m a little hesitant to use the word ‘easy’ but I also don’t want to ever downplay how AMAZING God has been in each and every step of this journey. Let me try to explain why I have the worst surrogacy story to share….

Back in Nov 2016 in the first few days of contemplating and praying about if we should even pursue surrogacy, I was given the link to another surrogate’s blog about her whole journey.  I seriously sat at the computer for a few hours over the next two days reading each post.  I told people I needed to know the good, the bad and the ugly so I could move forward.  The blog I read through had posts about the numerous shots leading up to transfer including the big needle needed right before.  It told of the 20lbs the meds added to her waistline before the transfer even took place.  She even faced a life-threatening complication during the birth.  I read through it all and felt more informed on this process we were looking into.  I prepared myself for multiple shots over multiple days, possibility of multiple transfers and complicated pregnancies.  I was READY! 

In a way it KINDA reminds me of when I was in jr. high.  Not sure if they still do it in public schools today, but we had a police officer with the D.A.R.E. program come in a few times and talk to us about the dangers of smoking and drugs and taught us how to “just say no”.  I was READY! Bring it on, cool kids leaning against the back wall, I could just say no! Bring it on peer pressure at a party, I was ready to just say no! Not one SINGLE time in my entire life have I been offered a cigarette or drugs! I remember thinking, “I’m ready! I’m secure in myself to not succumb to peer pressure, I’m ready to just say no and no one is asking me!”

How does this even remotely relate to our surrogacy journey? Well I was ready for the shots and disappointments and high-risk pregnancy, bring it on! I might have been ready but God was even more so!

From the first medical evaluation appointment I should have realized this was going to be different than I anticipated.  Test after test came back clear.  Procedure after procedure went off without a hitch! Even when we had to repeat blood draws or scans to double check, everything came back clear, my body was ready! So much so that because of our unique circumstances which was Chad and Stephanie already had frozen embryos waiting and that my menstrual cycle was relatively regular, I wasn’t going to need to take a single shot to prepare my body.  We weren’t going to need extra hormones to sync Stephanie’s and my cycles for the transfer.  Even the tiny at-home ovulation tests worked fine.

From there on out everything went just as smoothly.  We transferred one embryo and she “stuck” and began growing as needed.  I had appointment after appointment with the OB/GYN where he would walk in, say “your numbers look great, how are you feeling?”, I’d reply “just fine” and he’d say “ok see you in a few weeks”.  They became the most boring appointments and yet the best kind, with no complications.

Then Magnolia came and yes, I struggled with some nausea, but other than that the birth was very normal and safe.  My healing has been quick and easy with no complications.  My breastmilk even came in strong enough to supply Magnolia with some for the first month or so.

And these are just a FEW examples of how doors flew up for us, how our every hope and dream for this journey came to pass.

But there was another area that we never saw coming…. The Martins.  We had wanted to walk this journey with a local couple so we could pray and experience this all with them but we also prepared ourselves that we may carry for an international couple that we may only meet once or twice.  But yet again, God decided to add another cherry on top of this amazing journey that we never could have anticipated and that is friends for life.  And I want to make this clear, we are not close with the Martins just because I carried Magnolia in my womb.  From the first time we met in person on the day of the transfer, we all knew a much deeper relationship was forming before our very eyes.  By the time we got a chance to spend a few days getting to know each other and discovering more and more similarities, I felt like I was carrying a child for a family member.  Not only does this not always happen in a surrogacy relationship, I’m coming to realize this RARELY happens at all in a surrogacy journey.

So, this…. ALL of this, is why we have the worst surrogacy story.  You see, right now people are still kind of interested in how it all went and how we are all recovering, but quickly the “hype” will just naturally calm down and this blog may just sit in internet space until another woman considering becoming a surrogate runs across it and wants to know the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m not sure our story would be the best to read because we had good on top of good on top of amazing.  I hope this isn’t coming across arrogant or bragging cause I SERIOUSLY feel like Paul right now when I say:

“Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” 2 Corinthians 10:17

This journey was not by our might, or Chad and Stephanie’s might or even the multiple doctor’s might, this journey was fulfilled by God and God alone.  And so, even though our journey may not be the best one to prepare someone for the difficulties that surrogacy can bring, I can’t sit back and not sing His praises for all He has done!

……

Well that took a little longer to explain the title than I thought but if you are still with me, let me give you all a little update and post-birth musings from the last two months.  First and foremost, Magnolia Grace is happy and healthy and thriving! She sleeps like a champ and is just so content! Her brothers love her with all their tiny little hearts and have adapted so well to their little sister.  Chad and Stephanie each had some time off after she was born and have had time with family and friends to also sing God’s praises for bringing another little life into their family!

As for our family and myself, we are doing well also.  I’ll be honest, it has been a VERY busy first 3 months of 2018.  Not sure if I just blocked out the ends of my previous pregnancies but the month of January seemed much more draining than I remember with my own kids.  BUT we were SO incredibly blessed to have Daniel’s mom with us for the final 3 weeks and I was able to relax and rest and get through the final weeks.  Then of course there was the birth on Jan 26 via C-section which requires its own form of healing.  Then we had a month of healing and getting back to normal and trying to pump breastmilk, etc.  Then from March 3-21 we went to South Africa to visit Daniel’s side of the family which included 4 ten-hour flights, 2 four-hour layovers, 2 five-hour drives and lots of fun and adventure! So, you can understand how when we got back I was feeling a little frazzled while trying to get back into finishing our homeschooling year, weaning off of pumping breastmilk, starting the long journey to lose the pregnancy weight and lots more. I’ve been telling people it feels like 2018 has just begun for me!

I’ve had a few people pull me aside and ask “how are you doing, REALLY?” and I will give them a REAL answer and here it is…. I’m doing REALLY well!  Yes, my body is readjusting to hormones AGAIN and yes, I’ve had some seriously exhausting days but I think what they are wondering is if I’ve been facing any post-partum issues like depression or sadness over not bringing a baby home.  No, I haven’t felt any issues with not bringing a baby home.  In fact, at one point I told Daniel “wow, I feel like I’m bouncing back SO much better and easier than my other pregnancies” only to realize, DUH, I don’t have a tiny human attached to me at all hours of the day and night. It’s amazing how fast your can recover from surgery when all you’re in charge of is healing and getting better.  Yes, I am still a mom of 3 rambunctious boys that require schooling and food and clean underwear, but it is much different having 3 older children than having an infant at home.

I have shared with people the two strongest emotions I felt after Magnolia was born, and hear me out all the way before you start worrying that I’m depressed, was Alone and Useless.

It wasn’t till the day after Magnolia’s birth that I first realized how alone I felt.  In South Africa, they wouldn’t let Daniel stay in the hospital at night but I had a baby to take care of and feed and be in charge of.  It’s kind of weird being in a maternity ward with no child to be in charge of.  In fact, Daniel came with the boys to visit me and so the boys could see Magnolia the next day but then he had to leave to do some work at church.  I remember calling him and begging him to come back as soon as he could cause I missed him so much.  I felt alone.  Chad and Stephanie took Magnolia home that day and Daniel had a cub scout event to take Gabriel to that night so I only had a little bit of interaction in the middle of the day.  I remember when Daniel got there I VERY gently scooted to the side of my hospital bed and asked him to come cuddle with me.  I craved human touch.  Again, it wasn’t that I was craving holding a baby, I just didn’t know what to do with myself and I missed my husband!

The other emotion that was the toughest of the two for me to process and I’m STILL processing is, useless.  With my 3 boys, my breastmilk came in before we even left the hospital.  With the pumping it took about a week after Magnolia’s birth before my milk supply came in enough to start storing it.  I was getting frustrated and felt like I was so useless.  Eventually my milk did come in and I felt like I had a purpose again.  Unfortunately, covering up an emotion instead of dealing with it usually means it will rear its ugly head again eventually.  While we were in South Africa, Magnolia ran out of the milk I had pumped (which we knew would happen) and had a tough time transitioning to formula but after a few days was doing much better.  Chad and Stephanie decided instead of transitioning her back and forth again, they would just stick with formula.  Like I said earlier, emotions that are covered up will usually appear again and it did.  For a few days I almost felt like I was in an emotional detox.  I began to feel useless again and I also struggled with the teeter totter thoughts that pumping would continue to help my body lose weight ‘easier’ BUT I had actually come to really dislike doing it and getting up the in the middle of the night.  Eventually I made the decision to start weaning off of pumping and its been SO good for me.  I’m finally accepting that I don’t have to physically be performing some kind of ‘task’ in order to be useful.  In a way, I’m finally allowing my body to go through the final ‘healing process’ of this journey.

So that’s it I think! I’m glad I finally got the motivation to sit down and write out this final post.  I hope my heart came across in these final musings and as always, if anyone ever has any questions PLEASE feel free to ask!  Even going through this I STILL don’t have all the answers about IVF and surrogacy and such, but I can answer from my own experience whatever anyone would like to know.

And so ends this amazing journey and yet, in a way, it has all really just begun….

Magnolia Grace Martin

So here we are.... it’s 3am on Saturday Jan 27 (the day after Baby Girl’s birth) and I’m wide awake (for at least the next 10 min) after sleeping most of the day after the C-Section. I figured what better time to write so here it goes....

The night before Baby Girl’s scheduled C-Section Delivery I did not sleep well. I couldn’t turn my mind off till midnight and then I had a 1:30am alarm set to eat a snack and drink some water since I couldn’t eat for 10 hrs. before the scheduled surgery at noon the next day.

I got the food down in about 5 min but then EXACTLY what I was nervous about happened.... I couldn’t fall back asleep. About an hour and half later I FINALLY fell back asleep and was out from 3-5am when Daniel’s alarm went off to go do his Janitorial work. I drifted in and out till he finally left around 5:30. And then about 10 min later, my youngest, Luke, stumbles up to our bed and proclaims “I think I peed in my bed”. Well, that was it, no chance I’d fall back asleep now before my 7am alarm. I got up and changed him and still attempted to lay back down but eventually gave up and got in the shower. It ended up being a really good thing because it gave me just enough time to take the morning REALLY slow and not feel rushed.

Originally, we had set the C-Section for 7:30 am but due to some miscommunications, we got bumped back to noon a few weeks ago. At first, I was really bummed but both Stephanie and I admitted that morning that it was kind of nice to just have a slow morning and not have to be at the hospital at 5am and barely awake! I truly believe God has had a hand on every single detail of this entire journey and the timing of the C-Section was no different, even if it only gave us all more time to rest and take it slow.

Ok so moving forward.... Daniel arrived home from completing his Janitorial work around 7:30. I was finishing packing (yes, I left it till the morning of, slap on wrist) and getting ready. We had decided to meet Chad and Stephanie for breakfast beforehand down the street from the hospital. Daniel and I left around 8 am and to our amazement didn’t hit too bad of traffic at all traveling from Fullerton to Fountain Valley on a weekday morning (another God thing if you ask me). As we were traveling, the 3 hrs. of rest coupled with not being able to have my daily huge glass of water when I wake up began to hit me. I go tired, slightly car sick and began getting a headache. I was so grateful that the car ride took much less time than we thought. 

We got to the restaurant about 15 min early and just relaxed and waited for Chad and Stephanie. When we were first talking about a breakfast I was hoping we could get all the kids and extended family together but by the time the morning arrived I was SO grateful it was only the 4 of us because I was so tired and it was so relaxing and calming. I didn’t have anything to eat or drink (which was TOTALLY fine for me because I was slightly excited/nervous and wasn’t hungry at all). Chad joked that in a couple weeks we should all come back to the same restaurant and the three of them should be forced to sit there and watch me eat since the food was so amazing! HAHA!

We left the restaurant at about 9:45 since our check-in time was 10am at the hospital down the road. We walked in to a very peaceful lobby and Daniel and I sat as Chad and Stephanie filled out the last remaining paperwork and turned in the legal paperwork for Baby Girl! As I was sitting down, baby girl began to do some flips which I was so thankful for because she hadn’t been moving a bunch that morning, most likely because I was fasting.

Very soon we were escorted into the Maternity ward where we were sent to our prep room. I changed into a VERY stylish open backed cotton candy pink hospital gown (don’t be jealous ladies!) and got up on the bed for my surgery prep. Stephanie stayed with me and I found I was SO grateful that she is a surgeon because nothing fazed her as they got me ready. I got to answer a bunch of questions that you wonder how they have anything to do with why we were there, they started my IV, prepped my belly and then we waited. 

Chad and Daniel were so funny as they were sent on errands after returning paperwork to the car only to find out a different department needed to see it and also checking out the in-house Starbucks. Within an hour they said everyone on the floor, including the security officer, knew them by heart. Stephanie and I just chatted for the remaining hour before the surgery was scheduled.

Amy, the founder and owner of Surrogacy by Faith, arrived a little later and they all got a chance to pray over me and baby girl. About 10 min before I was to walk over, Chad and Stephanie’s parents arrived to say a quick “hi” before we went back. It was like a fun party in the tiny prep room. I had met Stephanie’s Mom, Angela, once before and it was so sweet to see her again. And this time I got to meet Chad’s Mom, Carolyn. They both had this look of love and gratitude in their eyes, I seriously felt like another member of the family! Chad’s Dad was in the hallway holding Maddox who didn’t really want anything to do with the big scary hospital room so we didn’t push him at all and Grandpa took him back to the safe waiting room. Stephanie’s Dad was in the car with Mason who was sleeping off a day at Disneyland the day before followed by a morning of swimming! It’s a tough job being a kid 😉.

Soon the nurses arrived to say it was almost time to walk over to the OR (Operating Room) to begin my Spinal Block and remaining prep. At one point I turned to Stephanie and confided in her that the Spinal Block was the last step that always made me kind of nervous and in South Africa they let Daniel stand next to me and comfort me but here in the US, it’s all done before anyone is let into the OR. My first C-Section was AFTER I had started labor which made sitting still very difficult. My second C-Section, it took them two tries to get the block started. Stephanie leaned forward and gently held my arm and said “let’s pray right now”. She prayed the block would work on the first try and that everything would go smoothly.

One last thing the Anesthesiologist had mentioned to me when she came it to prepare me a few min before is that it’s already hard to breath while being pregnant and a Spinal Block makes it’s EVEN harder, so I was going to need to intentionally take deep slow breaths and that she would continue to remind me while in the OR. I didn’t think much of it since I had done this before and didn’t remember having any issues with breathing. 

So, they came to get me and I walked down the hallway to the OR. Stephanie was asked to wait in one of the rooms while they finished prepping me and covering me with the full gown that would only expose my belly.

We got into the OR and I felt my nerves rise a little bit. OR’s are not the homiest of places and I knew the Spinal Block was coming. They got me set up on the side of the bed and I was easily able to get into the correct position I had done twice before. Drop the chin and roll your back. The nurse said “oh I can see you’ve done this before”. 

They continued getting everything set up and the Spinal Block went incredibly smooth! In fact, I was shocked at how quickly and relatively painless it was, Thank You Lord!

The first sign that the block is working is for your feet to become warm. Once you feel that they quickly ask you to swing your legs up to lay down on the table.

I was SO excited to be past my last “hurdle” I remembered from my previous C-Sections and looked forward to just relaxing.... well not exactly.

The Anesthesiologist sat by my head and said “are you breathing deep? You forgot to continue breathing deep”. I remembered thinking “I can breathe fine but ok, I’ll breath deep”. She put an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth and then all of a sudden, I felt it. My deep breaths felt like I was getting a third of the oxygen my body wanted and needed. I’m a very stubborn person and REFUSED to freak out but I definitely was getting worried. I was so glad the Anesthesiologist had warned me so I knew it was normal but each breath had to be fully intentional and extremely deep. Another friendly warning, she gave me was “if you get nauseous, just turn your head and throw up”. Again, not something I experienced AT ALL with my other C-Sections so I didn’t think much about it. As I was laying there trying to stay calm they tilted the table slightly to the left to get the pressure of Baby Girl off my stomach and lungs. The Anesthesiologist put her head over mine and said “open your eyes all the way so I can know you’re ok”. I remember thinking “no problem” but when I went to open my eyelids it was MUCH more difficult than I expected. Then I felt it and told her “I feel nauseous”. Luckily, they got me meds right away and by the grace of God the nausea went away without me “losing it”. Then my last hurdle arrived in a massive onset of a headache. Felt like within 30 sections my head was in a vice. Again, the Anesthesiologist helped out by applying pressure and reassuring me it was all part of the meds taking over. 

At this point I heard them bring in Stephanie and they had her sit on a stool by my outstretched arm so she could see my head (which was under this kind of make shift fort) and also be able to watch her baby girl come into this world.

Literally about 5 seconds before she sat down the pressure in my head instantly released and I was in complete HEAVEN! Fully numb and able to breath fine, no nausea and no headache! The hardest part after that was staying awake as my 3 hrs. of sleep the night before plus no food began to set in. 

I was SO grateful that all the symptoms went away and all I had to do was wait. They said it would only take about 10-15 min from when they started for Baby Girl to be out. It took a tiny bit extra because of my previous scar but soon the time came. The first thing I heard the doctor say was “ooh she’s a feisty one” (as I’m guessing she came out kicking). BUT she came out quiet. Both Stephanie and I later confided in each other that we were trying to stay calm waiting for that first cry. All the doctors and nurses seemed totally fine and commenting on “here she is” but still no big cry. Then suddenly we heard two tiny whimpers before Magnolia Grace let out her first wail of her life! She was perfect! I told Stephanie before we went into the surgery that I would be 100% fine and that I wanted her to be with Magnolia and take pictures and go have bonding time with her, they would just be stitching me up and I would be completely fine! 

When she was first born the doctor asked if I wanted to see her which I emphatically said yes. As they lowered the curtain and I saw her face I INSTANTLY thought she looked like her big brother Maddox! It was such a special moment!

Stephanie stayed by Magnolia’s side as they cleaned her up and also got the extra fluid out of her lungs (which is very common in C-Section babies). She kept returning to my side to make sure I was ok and I kept insisting I was fine and was probably going to take a nap so feel free to go to the recovery room.

The nurse brought Magnolia over one more time so I could see her and took some photos of Us 3 Girls together! It was so sweet!

After Stephanie left I had about 20-30 min of stitching and cleaning me up. I was so tired and just closed my eyes. All I could keep repeating in my head was “Thank You Lord, Thank You Lord!” Although those were the only words, my mind raced with what I was thankful for, above anything else I was thankful Magnolia had arrived safely and I had completed my duty. Now before anyone starts saying “that sounds like this was just another job for you”, let me explain, yes actually this was just like a VERY intense “job” for me. Except this “job” was DRENCHED in love and commitment and worry and friendship and God and every other emotion you could think of. I would tell people it’s like when you babysit someone else’s kids, you’re almost ALWAYS more careful than you are with your own cause it’s SOMEONE’s else’s kids. Well Surrogacy is very much like that. These last two weeks have been mentally EXHAUSTING as Magnolia had slowed down her movements quite a bit and I was terrified something was going to happen to her. So, when she came out with 10 fingers and 10 toes with the tiniest little cry, all I could think was Thank You Lord!

Once the doctor was finished and the nurses got me all cleaned up they used this AWESOME inflatable pillow thing to lift me onto the stretcher and out we went to my “waiting room” before my personal recovery room was available. As they were transporting me, I felt the nausea start coming back and the extreme fatigue kick in. I will spare you all the lovely details but let’s just say for SOME reason (I’m not sure if it has to do with the difference in meds between South Africa and the US or my age or whatever) my body did not handle the aftermath of the C-Section as well as before. I literally was in and out of sleep for about 6 hrs. I could barely speak to Daniel and at times would mumble about yo-yo’s and my dentist bag. Also, every time I woke up I threw up. 

By the time this had happened 3 or 4 times I could see Daniel’s “papa bear” side coming out as he insisted there MUST be some other anti-nausea meds they could give me. But truth was they had maxed out on what they could give me AND I wasn’t even nauseous after a while. Seriously, I’ve never had something like this before and it’s hard to explain. I’d just wake up, throw up and go back to sleep. I wasn’t in pain or nauseous or anything! Just extremely tired and barely able to keep my eyes open for more than about 15 min. 

A few hours later, I was finally able to keep my eyes open long enough for Chad and Stephanie to bring in Magnolia for me to hold. It was so sweet and I loved looking at her face that looked so much like her family! A little part of me was so nervous I would think she looked like my boys when she came out and I truly believe it was another God thing that the first thing I thought when she came out was how much she looked like her brother! 

So, I got to hold her for a few minutes before I feared my hourly “bag time” was coming up and handed her back to Stephanie. Daniel got a chance to hold her as well and loved it. Amy was also about to head back to the airport to fly home so we all said our goodbyes. 

Daniel wasn’t planning on staying the night but offered if I wanted him to because of all the symptoms I had. I honestly wasn’t sure but then Stephanie reminded me that she and Chad were staying the night right down the hall with Magnolia and could be here in a second if I needed someone. I think it was in that fatigued, blurry moment that I realized how incredibly close our families had become through this whole process because I felt instantly relieved and knew I would be completely fine with Daniel heading home for a good night’s rest in our own bed (as well as be with Grammy who had been alone with the boys all day). I knew Chad and Stephanie would take care of me if anything arose. And then I fell back asleep.

I remember waking up around 8pm and for the first time since the C-Section, I was feeling more human. No vomiting and I could open my eyes easily. Daniel had left my cell phone within reach and I picked it up for the first time since 10:15 that morning. My nurse for the night just happened to come in at that time too and began giving me an overview of what the night shift would entail. I felt bad that I had NO idea the names of my day nurses, because I usually love to chat with them but I had been so out of it I could barely remember their faces if asked too.

Anyway, Sheila (my night Nurse) let me know that at some point before midnight we would need to try and stand up and also try to pump twice for Magnolia if I could. Because I actually felt like I had some energy I suggested we try the first round of pumping now. The hospital has an amazing pump set up right in my room and Sheila got me all set up right as Stephanie poked her head in the door to check on me which was great timing because she had used this type of pump with her oldest and knows more about these things than I do. She also kept me company for the 15 min and then was able to take the small amount I got straight over to Magnolia.

My IV of fluids ran out just before midnight so I called the nurse and while she changed out the bag we decided it was a good time to change the bed, have me attempt to stand (hunched over of course) just by the side of the bed and pump one more time. Got through all of it and promptly fell back asleep.

I never really sleep very deep in a hospital so I got little nuggets here and there. About 2:40 I was awake and I was REALLY awake! They came and took my vitals, I got a second cup of ice chips and I decided, why not see how much or this amazing day I could type out before I get tired again. An hour and a half later I’ve come to the end and my eyelids are starting to get heavy again!

I will need to go over and edit all this before posting and not even sure I can post on my blog from my phone but at least it’s all written down to the best of my groggy memory!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for praying Magnolia and I through the C-Section yesterday! There may have been a few more “hurdles” than I anticipated but as of now I’m healing well, resting well and my heart is so full of joy for God’s provision on every step of this AMAZING journey!

Here are some of the wonderful pics from the last 2 days:

My boys were SO excited to hold baby Magnolia when they came to the hospital for a visit!

All set to go home in the special outfit her grandma made her!

I got some cuddle time too which she mainly slept through!

Such an AMAZING journey with such AMAZING friends!

T-Minus 4 days!

I’ve been telling myself for about a week that I need to do a quick update on these last few days before birth of baby girl and kept putting it off. Well let’s see how far I get....

About a week ago I re-shared my post from June about the “unsung heroes of Surrogacy” which is about all the hard work my loving husband has put into this journey. I was motivated to share it because the flu bug hit our family HARD the second week of January and Daniel became our Florence Nightingale for 4 days straight. I cannot remember ever feeling that weak and sick but I’m sure being 36 weeks pregnant at the time made it even harder. Luckily, I didn’t have fevers or vomiting but the Prego body aches combined with sick body aches kept me in bed for almost 3 days straight. Each of the boys came down with their own versions of the bug and they each seemed to get it a day apart from each other. They all dealt with fevers and then combinations of runny tummy and vomiting. Daniel was able to work from home and did such an amazing job keeping us hydrated and eating whenever we could. And by the grace of God, and multiple doses of Airborne, Daniel never got sick and was able to avoid his own bed-ridden consequences!

Originally, Grammy (aka Daniel’s Mom) was due to arrive from South Africa that Thursday but she was facing her own intense bronchitis and had to push her flight back a few days just to recover. 

By day 5 I was finally feeling a little better and the boys all had stopped with the fevers. I decided we would take the whole weekend off in order to make sure all the germs were gone and allow us to recover. 

On Sunday (Jan 14) we all were feeling better and Grammy arrived that afternoon! And I have been spoiled rotten ever since!

I know that I would find a way to survive if I had to but having Grammy here has been SUCH a blessing! She’s been cooking and cleaning and taking the boys outside to run around. I am STILL dealing with congestion left over from the bug which makes me even more tired and lethargic and both her and Daniel have been so good to me, letting me just sit and sew or nap and relax!

I also have been spoiled by friends as well! Our group of homeschool moms put together a care basket for me and a couple from our church offered to watch the boys one night so Daniel and I could go out together (Grammy went to Arizona for the weekend to see her sister and we still got a night away).

Today was my last OB check-up and I asked Daniel to drive me because I’ve just been so tired and been having sinus pressure from my cold. It was really special cause Stephanie was able to make it so she could meet the doctor who will be performing the C-Section in person before the big day! Stephanie had to rush from her clinic and made it just in time! Right as she walked in the receptionist called me over and said the doctor had just been called over to the ER and wasn’t sure if he would be back in time. She asked if I wanted to see someone else or wait and see if the doctor would be back in time. I told her I would like to wait since our IPs were here and the C-Section was Friday. Luckily the doctor was back in about 20 min so we all got to meet with him. 

Of course, every other appointment, baby girl has been pretty easy to find the heartbeat and this time she was hiding a bit. I was laying there thinking “come on big girl, don’t make your mama nervous!” But the whole time the doctor was searching for a good reading, you could see her rolling around so we knew she was ok, it was just a little nerve wracking for a few minutes! But when we got a good read, her heartbeat was steady at 130 and strong! 

At my previous appointment, the doctor measured my belly and said “well she isn’t going to be a small baby!” Even though baby girl is 100% biologically Chad and Stephanie’s and has NO DNA of mine, the birth size of babies can be some genetics but also how my body “grew her”. My own babies were 8lbs 7oz, 8lbs 2oz and 9lbs 2oz so chances are that baby girl could be on the bigger size. The doctor gave his “guesstimate” of 8lbs but I guess we’ll have to wait and see!

After the appointment I walked Daniel and Stephanie around to the Center for Childbirth where we will be on Friday and then we said our goodbyes!

We stopped by CVS on the way home to grab me some Sudafed to help relieve some of the sinus pressure I’ve been feeling. I told Daniel on the way to the appointment that IF the doctor tried to postpone the C-Section AT ALL because of my congestion, I wanted him to push to keep it on Friday because I just need to get this little girl safely into her parent’s arms! I have been so nervous these last 2 weeks about getting baby girl into this world safely that I would rather deal with congestion and healing from a C-Section instead of postponing! Luckily the doctor didn’t say anything and we are still on schedule for Friday!!

And so, we wait! I’ve continued to see a chiropractor about every 3-4 days to try and help my sciatica pain and to keep me as aligned as possible! I have one more appointment on Wednesday before birth and am still praying that the pain goes away after birth of baby girl and doesn’t turn into any form of chronic pain.

Well I think that’s about it! Probably won’t write again till about Baby Girl is here! I will have 2-3 days of healing in the hospital so hoping to post in my spare time but no promises! I will definitely post at some point with the birth story! 

Thank you to everyone who has followed along on this journey! And for those who have been praying us through it, words could never adequately express our gratitude! The very first day we even considered Surrogacy was Nov 3, 2016 and here we are just shy of 15 months later about to complete this journey! We are still in shock of how smooth and “God soaked” this process has been! Chad and Stephanie have truly become lifelong friends for us and not just because of my carrying baby girl. Sometimes I can’t remember NOT being their friends because we get along so well!

If you think of us, keep us in prayer for these last 4 days! Baby girl has REALLY slowed down (which is normal in the last few weeks) but I find I get nervous more easily when I haven’t felt her move. But just when I get nervous she’ll make a nice slow roll across my belly. I told people at church that it’s like she is JUST as ready as me to be done. She rolls over and gives a little kick like “I’m out room, let me out!”

Thank you again for all the love and support of our family! We’ll check in again soon from the other side!

30 Days and Counting!

Exactly one month to go! Jan 26 is our date for my repeat C-Section and we’re down to counting days!

My mom was here for the week of Christmas and Daniel was able to take a few days off. At first, I resisted letting them spoil me but soon decided to revel in it. I only made dinner once or twice and I haven’t washed a single dish in over a week. When my mom first arrived, I tried to keep up so we would have as much time together but quickly accepted her offers to watch the boys while I took naps!

Of course, I got the bad head cold going around the night before she arrived so on top of normal pregnancy fatigue I was battling congestion and a sore throat. Luckily none of it ever got too bad and our week was still filled with lots of fun and outings and chats! The pic below is me and my youngest Luke having fun dipping pretzels in white chocolate!

I was telling my mom that I don’t remember feeling THIS exhausted at the end of my pregnancies with the boys and she gently reminded me that it’s been 8 years since my first pregnancy and 4 since my last. She had me when she was 30 years old and remembered that everything was a little tougher.

But beyond fatigue and some muscle aches, everything else is going so smoothly. Every time I have an OB check-up I try to write a little summary to Chad and Stephanie. For the last month or so, there hasn’t been much to report. I usually say “had another boring check-up which is the BEST kind”. “Boring check-ups” mean everything is right on track. Good blood pressure, good belly measurements, good heartbeat.  The hospital I’ll be delivering at is about 20-45 min away depending on traffic and sometimes I feel silly cause the doctor comes in, we chat, he looks at my stats and says “ok see you in a few weeks”. Haha! Again, they may be “boring” but it’s the best kind of boring I could ever pray for.

I’ll have one more checkup the first week of January and then move into the weekly check-ups just to keep an eye on my numbers.

We have a Missions Conference coming up about an hour away the first week of January. The doctor had them print up my basic records to have with me if, heaven forbid, there is an emergency. Hoping it will be an uneventful time away for our family!

Then the second week of January, Daniel’s Mom arrives from South Africa to stay with us through the birth! I’m so excited to have her here, not only for the extra help but also cause she’s one of my best friends (I know that sounds corny but it’s true) and she helps me keep my sanity on tough days with the boys!

We have one more day planned to spend with Chad and Stephanie and their boys in early January to just hang out and we’re all excited to see each other again! When Daniel and I first started thinking and praying about a Surrogacy journey we both dreamed of carrying for a couple somewhat local so we could walk this road together. Our prayers couldn't have been answered any more clearly than with Chad and Stephanie coming into our lives! We know that our families will be friends for life but not just because of baby girl, but because we are so similar and our kids love each other and our families have just grown so close through all of this!

So here we are, 30 days and counting....

A wonderful break!

I’m not even sure where to start……this last weekend was AMAZING!

Perhaps I should start with the week BEFORE last week as a good set up.  The middle of November tends to be a super busy week for our family.  My husband is in charge of a special event at our church and is gone most of the week which isn’t too rough but being 29 weeks pregnant at the time AND since Southern California decided that it STILL wanted to keep some remnants of Summer with warmer temps, the week was pretty rough for me.  My wonderful hubby did make sure to ask for Thursday Nov 16 off since it was my 31^st birthday.  I got to sleep in, the boys and Daniel cleaned the house while I napped and then Daniel took me out to Dinner and a movie, it was a great day!

On a side note: I love number patterns! I like to say I have Prime children because they were born on the 1^st, 3^rd and 5^th of their months.  A few years ago, I started looking at my ages of big life events in the last decade or so and found an awesome pattern, which will continue with the birth of sweet baby girl in January….

Age 19 – Met Daniel

21- Married

23- Birth of my first son

25- Birth of my second son

27- Birth of my third son

29- Moved our family back from South Africa to the US and arrived on my birthday

31- Birth of our sweet surrogate baby girl

Needless to say, it’s been a BUSY 12 years and I’ve loved it all!

Ok back to my update.  By the time Tuesday Nov 21^st arrived I almost begged Daniel not to go and leave me alone again with the boys but I knew he just had to go finish a few last items at work and then would be off for an entire week.  And boy oh boy has it been an AMAZING, restful week for our family!

On Thursday (Thanksgiving) we got to go visit our wonderful family that only lives about 20 minutes away! They did all the cooking and prep and all I had to do was bring the Hawaiian Rolls!  I was SO grateful I didn’t have to turn on my own oven that day because warm temps wasn’t enough for Southern California, they decided they needed to really shine and have record high temps in the 90’s on Thanksgiving Day! Seriously, SoCal? Seriously! The seven-month Prego would REALLY appreciate it if you stopped showing off and just PRETENDED we were in Fall! Anyway, we had a wonderful day with family, eating and chatting and relaxing!

The next day began our AMAZING weekend away with Chad, Stephanie (baby girl’s parents) and their 2 adorable boys.  We packed up what seemed like enough stuff to last us a week and headed 2 hours north to Oxnard. (anyone else notice how you have to pack exponentially more stuff with the addition of each new child?)  We were debating taking the inland freeways or braving the coastal highway with lots of street lights.  We finally decided that if we were going to be stuck anywhere, we’d rather have the beautiful scenery of the coast to watch.  I haven’t driven much of the 1 Hwy. but it was SO beautiful! 

We didn’t hit too much traffic at all and made it to the Channel Islands about 30 mins after Chad and Stephanie.  We actually stayed at Stephine’s parent’s home right on the water with its own dock and everything.  It was BEAUTIFUL! I found myself incredibly grateful that Chad and Stephanie also had two young boys and had placed a few strategic sheets and blankets over some couches and benches.  I always find I’m more relaxed when vacationing with other young families cause we all just understand a little more about kids and keeping them entertained and safe!

The first day there, Stephanie’s good friend from childhood (who lived nearby) came by to visit with her 2 kids.  Her little boy was right around the age of all the others and we had 6 boys ranging from 20 months-age 7 running around and playing so nicely together! She also brought her 4 month of baby girl who mainly sat with us three mommies while we chatted and got to know each other better!

It was such a nice relaxing afternoon! Around 4:30 we loaded everyone into the cars and headed to the “Pirate Park” (as Luke named it) around the corner and let the kiddos run out some energy.  Then we headed over to Toppers Pizza for a delectable dinner with 5 types of pizza!  We said goodbye to Stephanie’s friend after dinner and headed back to the house.

The boys were a little riled up from a day of travel and settling in but once they all seemed happy in their beds, Daniel, Chad, Stephanie and I sat down to what we all had been looking forward to the most…. Strategy Games! They taught us Qwirkle the first night and I must say I picked it up pretty fast with a double Qwirkle and an eventual win…. I’m only SLIGHTLY competitive!

The next day after breakfast, Gabriel was begging to try out the kayaks on the dock.  We got all the boys fitted with life jackets and daniel took turns taking each of our boys out for a little paddle.  I walked inside for a few minutes simply because it was SO hot on the dock I felt like I was overheating.  Next thing I know, Ethan comes running up saying “Mom, Gabriel is in his own kayak, come see!”

I walked outside to see my 7-year-old out in his own kayak after a 5-minute lesson with daddy.  And he was doing pretty well! Daniel was out in the other kayak close by and it was just a little private harbor so not too much trouble to get into but I still had to tell myself to stay calm! Ha-ha!\

After the kayaks, Chad brought out a toy racing boat his boys had received from their uncle! All five boys and both daddies spent a good hour outside playing with the boat on the water.  It seems the biggest lesson for the boys to learn was to watch the boat not the remote control when driving the boat!

All this time, Stephanie and I chatted and relaxed on the couch!  It was so calming!  After the battery died on the race boat they all came inside and we popped a Christmas movie on while we chatted about what to do next.  It was about 10:30 am and we began chatting about a trek back to the park down the street and heading over the sand dunes for some beach time.  As we talked we all kinda folded more and more into the comfy huge L-shaped couch and eventually decided we should just plan something after the boys’ nap.  Chad got quiet first at the end of the couch followed by daniel and soon they were both snoozing.  I scooted closer to Stephanie cause baby girl started kicking and she got to feel her rolling around. 

I had taken my next sewing project with me and enjoyed just quilting while the beach house became a napping house.  Later that afternoon we took the kids back to the Pirate Park and got more wiggles out.  Then we came home when we all started shivering! Yes, you heard me right…. the fog blew in enough to even make the Prego lady shiver which felt SO nice after months of sweating! We came home and Stephanie made us a spaghetti and meatball dinner complete with hidden shredded vegetables which all the kids ate! We separated to get all 5 boys through baths and showers and cleaned up for bed.  We relaxed with a movie and then marched all the boys up to bed!

Again, like little elves, the adults snuck downstairs to try out more strategy games! This night we all learned Ticket to Ride for the first time and LOVED it! Took us awhile to learn all the rules but once we got the hang of it, we had a blast! Did I mention that the 5 lb. bag of peanut MnM’s and 3 different types of Klondike bars only seemed to materialize after the tiny humans were in bed? Coincidence? I think not!

We played another round of Qwirkle and then all headed to bed a little earlier after a long day! We were laughing and joking all night long and I found I was SO grateful again that the Lord had brought our families together for this surrogacy adventure!

The next morning, we packed up and headed to Chad and Stephanie’s church about an hour back towards home in Pacific Palisades.  We so enjoyed worshipping with them and meeting their friends! We all went to lunch afterwards with some frozen yogurt to follow it all up!  After all the tiny humans were officially sugared up, we said our goodbyes, shared multiple hugs and headed home.

It was a VERY quiet car ride home and luckily there wasn’t any LA traffic and it was a pretty quick drive.  I fell asleep about 20 min before home but still felt exhausted when we got there.  I trudged up the stairs telling Daniel “I don’t know if I will be able to fall back asleep.”  He chuckled and said “I think you will be fine falling back asleep.”  Fast forward 2 hours later and Luke is standing by our bed asking “mommy when are you getting up?”  It took me a good 30 min to fully wake up and roll (yes I ‘ve hit that point where the easiest way out of bed is rolling) out of bed! Ha-ha!

Today (Monday) is Daniel’s normal day off and it has been so necessary! We have been able to get all our ducks in a row and settle back into normal life before work starts tomorrow! I also took the whole week of Thanksgiving off from Homeschooling since we started Aug 1 and haven’t taken a prolonged break yet.  So tomorrow its back to life! But we are SO grateful for the week we’ve had!

It was funny all weekend to see these five rambunctious boys playing together and then we all would remember that baby girl will be here before we know it! Which by chance is exactly 2 months from yesterday!

My last appointment went well and was very uneventful (which is exactly the type of appointments you want at this point).  The doctor checks my belly size and baby’s heartbeat.  We discuss any questions I might have and that’s it!  We’re now down to an appointment every two weeks and will soon move to a weekly appointment as we get closer!

Daniel’s mom has officially bought her plane ticket and will be crossing the Atlantic from South Africa to help us in the last 3 weeks and I couldn’t be more thrilled for her coming! 

Other than that, I continue to hear about other surrogacy journeys and I realize how much we HAVEN’T had to deal with and find I am again, shocked not shocked as God has soaked every detail of this journey and we have all trusted Him with each step and we continue to trust His Will no matter what happens.

Thanks for following along!

From 107 degrees to 69!

When the nausea hit with the first heatwave of Summer I would tell people “at least when I feel like a whale in the second half of pregnancy it will be cooler”. 

HA! It’s like I forgot I live in Southern California! Today’s high was 107! Come ON! Luckily, we anticipated the heat and spent all day inside with full A/C and I’ve been chugging water like it’s going out of style!

Last week I had a routine check-up plus the “lovely” glucose test for gestational diabetes. About 2 hrs. before my appointment I got a call from the receptionist informing me that my doctor was stuck in surgery and, if I was ok with it, I would be meeting with one of the nurse midwifes. I was a little hesitant just because I prefer meeting the doctor each time but they assured me they do this all the time and the check-up will be the same.

So, I showed up to the doctor’s office for my 12:40 “sugar drink” appointment. Anyone who has ever had a glucose test knows it’s not the absolute worst but it’s like drinking 8oz of melted lemon lime popsicle. And you only have a few minutes to drink it. Ugh! Oh well, got it down and then they handed me a timer to return in exactly 1 hr. to have my blood drawn.

My appointment was booked for 1pm so I waited and was called back shortly. Blood pressure was perfect (last appointment their first read was off the charts and I tried to stay calm as they re-checked and it showed completely fine numbers). I’ve decided to not look at the scale cause knowing how much I’ve put on is only going to make me stress more. 

I waited in the doctor’s office and then the nurse midwife arrived. She was so nice and I was able to ask her all my questions I had prepared for my doctor.

I have been having more pelvic aches and pains this time around, which the midwife explained that since this is my 5th pregnancy, everything is more stretched out so it makes sense that I’m having more pressure lower. She suggested a belly band to help support my growing belly.

I also asked her about the amount of people allowed in the OR for the c-section. She told me hospital policy is usually only one person but they may make an exception for surrogates. I also found out that usually they don’t let the husbands be in the OR for the spinal block which is usually my most nerve wracking part that Daniel has talked me through twice. I’ll have to double check with the doctor on the policy but either way I know I’ll be in good hands.

She also mentioned that the hospital will be providing me with a binder to wear around my stomach after birth which is AWESOME! I wore both girdles and binders after all my births so knowing I’ll have one to wear in the hospital is pretty cool!

She mentioned (without exact numbers) that my weight was doing ok, it was a little high but not too bad. Phew! (I’m already planning my triumphal return to Weight Watchers as soon as I can after I’m healed post birth).

I also got a chance to ask her about our family possibly traveling overseas just 5 weeks postpartum. I had been a little concerned but she thought since I won’t have a newborn to take care of and if I make sure to take the first 2 weeks really easy to heal, I should be ok. We are attempting to finalize our 3-yr. old applications for South African Permanent Residency before the expiration date of Mar 7, 2018.  Even though we live in the US now, we paid for the residency back a year before we knew we were leaving South Africa and, if Gabriel and I are approved, we would never have to worry about travelling visas or permits again when traveling in and out of South Africa (Where Daniel’s side of the family live).

I left the appointment very grateful for such an amazing hospital and staff that have taken such good care of me! 

Some may remember that I had originally gone to a different OB at a completely different hospital back around 10 weeks.  I got a call a few days later telling me they didn’t take my insurance.  I was quite frustrated (and cried) that I would have to find a different doctor and hospital.  BUT through it all I reminded myself that God was in control and He knew it all.  Since then I have come to absolutely love my new OB and hospital.  I always feel so calm and relaxed there and, even though it’s a slightly farther drive, I feel such peace whenever I go.

So, I started writing this update a few days ago but never finished so now we are past the heatwave and it’s a glorious 69 degrees outside and I already feel 75% better!  So nice for Fall to finally arrive, even if it is a month late!

Other than that, baby girl has continued kicking and growing!  After our next appointment in the beginning of Nov, we will begin having appointments every two weeks! Last Thursday (Oct 26) marked exactly 3 months till our planned repeat c-section.  It really hit me how close we are getting! At night I use these awesome Belly Bands (basically headphones for my belly) and play messages and stories read by Chad and Stephanie to their daughter.  I also play some Mozart for her!  We’re so excited to spend some time with Chad and Stephanie at the end of Nov for a few days too! I think that’s about it, thanks for following along in this journey!

Half Way There!

Well we are officially over half way there till little Girl arrives! The last few weeks have been pretty standard. Growing belly, increasing hormones, more excitement, etc. 

On Sept 18 we had the official BIG ultrasound where they scan all parts of baby to make sure all the fingers and toes are there and so much more! At one point the ultrasound tech said, "and now I'm going to check the heart for all four chambers". I was reminded again what an age we live in where they can check the chambers on the heart of a 20 week old baby still growing in the womb! I also remember thinking "gosh these techs are amazing, I can barely make out a profile of sweet baby even after they point it out to me while they can find all the little organs and chambers and detect if something is missing or forming differently.

It was a REALLY special appointment because Chad and Stephanie were able to come! They brought their oldest son, Maddox, also so he could see his baby sister moving around on the screen. Daniel also came along since we only get to see our sweet IP's about once a month. 

So first they take me back for the 30-min scan alone. I remember when I was pregnant with Gabriel and we showed up to find out the gender and they told daniel he had to wait for 30 min before coming in (he was not the happiest camper) but when we asked the tech about it they told us that they need to focus solely on taking hundreds of pictures for the doctor to review and having dad standing over their shoulder asking questions or pointing out what they think might be wrong can distract and make the techs job even harder.

Needless to say, we were prepared for the first solo scan and they pulled me in a few minutes early which was awesome cause you have to go in with a full bladder and delayed appointments can make that part difficult.

I got into the scan and after about 15 min the tech asked me to go use the restroom because I had drunk SO much water in prep that she was having a hard time pushing down on my lower belly for photos! Ha-ha! Leave it to me, the "over-achiever" to drink so much I actually over did it!

After about 30 min we called everyone in and got to see pics of sweet baby girl! Of course, I was laying on the table still so I mainly just watched their faces since I couldn't get the best view.

I think Maddox' reactions were my favorite. At first, she just showed us still shots she had taken and poor Maddox looked so confused. He kept turning his head and putting it on mommy's shoulder. Then the tech switched over to live feed and baby girl started moving around and his little face lit up and he started pointing and saying "Baby! Baby!".  He would look from the screen to the scanner on my tummy with a quizzical look and I think it slowly dawned on him! It was so sweet to watch! 

After the appointment, Daniel told me that while he and the family were in the waiting room before being called in, another patient showed up with a baby in a stroller. On the way to the appointment, Chad and Stephanie had been telling Maddox that he was going to see the baby.

So, when the other patient came in with a baby, Maddox asked expectantly "is that our baby? Do we get to take that baby home?"  Ha-ha! Oh, sweet boy, she will be here soon but not yet!

I had my follow up appointment two days later and everything looks great! The ultrasound actually hadn't been signed off yet so my doctor couldn't see the exact results but reassured me that if there had been any issues they would have contacted him the day of the scan so in this case, no news was good news. A few days later the ultrasound report was posted to my patient portal and everything looks great!

At my follow up appointment the doctor said we could book the c-section at this point. Because my last two babies were delivered through c-section, we are doing a repeat c-section with baby girl.  They like to plan repeat C-sections at 39 weeks, I'm guessing to avoid me going into labor beforehand.  I told the doctor I would have to run the date by Chad and Stephanie too but I was pretty certain Fri Jan 26 would be the best due to work schedules and such. 

I must admit this was a whole new world for me! My second born was an emergency c-section after hours of labor. My third, we were attempting a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after C-section) but he never came on his own and inducing after a c-section can be very dangerous. So, after a routine checkup we felt the Lords peace to walk across the street to the hospital for little man’s arrival. Now with baby girl, we know when she will arrive (as long as she stays put up to 39 weeks).  

Anyone who knows me, knows I am an EXTREME planner so picking a date was pretty exciting! The date worked great for Chad and Stephanie as well so I ran out and bought a 2018 Calendar just so I could hang it up and put baby girl's arrival on it!

In the last two days I think baby girl has started some tap dancing classes in there! Its so crazy to be feeling baby kicks again! I was able to get some quick videos to send the Chad and Stephanie which was awesome!

One prayer request I've been asking for is my anxiety for the rest of the pregnancy.  This last weekend I was able to escape up to Oregon to spend some time with my sister.  I had a wonderful weekend but noticed that I get extremely nervous about so many things I never worried about when pregnant with my own children.  I started frantically searching google while in line for airport security to make sure it was safe for me to go through the scanner (even though I traveled internationally while pregnant with all 3 of my boys and never stressed over it).  There have been other examples and I'm just praying for my heart to trust and rest in God's will for this child and not over-think everything I do in the next 4 months.

Well I think that's it for now! Thanks for following along on this amazing journey!